Balancing Realism and Fantasy in Romance Books

We all love a good love story--but what happens when a swoon-worthy romance feels too far removed from reality?

In my humble opinion, a good romance doesn't just sweep you off your feet, it also grounds you in emotions you've lived yourself.

First, let's dissect the difference between realism and fantasy and the roles they play in romances! (Because they do, and each author walks the delicate tightrope of involving each in their narratives without sending their readers too far in one direction).

Realism, or grounding your story in reality, allows your readers to connect with characters and situations on a personal level. It's what helps make the stakes in your story feel tangible and relatable. I'd argue it's what keeps the readers rooting for your characters to get their happily ever after and, more often than not, what will bring them to tears in the end when it all works out.

In my own works, I tackle topics like financial hardship, family dynamics, healing from traumatic events, and working through mental health struggles (anxiety, depression, and more!). Whenever I get readers reaching out to me about how my work has impacted them, these are the parts that they mention. They'll say how they could see themselves within the character, how it touched them in a very personal way, and how it left them thinking about the story long after they put the book down.

For me, I lean more heavily into realism and sprinkle in dashes of fantasy because I always want my readers to feel like they are in the world with my characters, walking beside them, sharing in their joys and struggles. I want my characters to feel more like their family or friends than a made-up person.

But know that even in the most grounded romances, there will be touches of fantasy! And it's important because it can provide readers with an escape from everyday life while also fulfilling their emotional and romantic desires. These are the parts of the story that will create aspirational elements that captivate the readers.

This can look like (and I write this often because it's my personal kink) a romantic interest being able to financially support the lead while also emotionally supporting them. But I've seen other narratives do an incredible job with plot elements such as exotic locations/vacations, larger-than-life romantic gestures, and dialogue that has you kicking your feet and blushing!

Readers will tend to have positive reactions to the fantasy aspects of romance. Rarely does a romance reader want to see a villain or a third-act breakup that feels like it couldn't possibly happen. And more often than not, you'll hear them say things like, "This took me out of the story," or "I just couldn't see this happening," and you'll lose them or have them feeling like everything that came before and after that was invalidated.

So don't lean too hard into realism without fantasy because readers will lose interest, and don't rely too heavily on the fantasy without grounding it in reality because then your readers will be like, "wtf is this?" ?? Got it. No pressure.

How, then, do we weave realism into fantasy and vice versa?

Here's what I do:

Ground your characters with relatable flaws and strengths. I always start with one flaw (or deep-seated fear) and one strength and pull those threads delicately through the narrative. Readers don't need to be beaten over the head with either. If you show it once or twice, they'll get the gist. And you'll notice, as you get to know what your character's fears and strengths are, they start to spider out into more, branching into a more three-dimensional character (because we never are just dealing with one thing at a time, are we? That would be too easy of a life!!!).

You also should build such strong backstories and motivations for your characters that they feel so authentic and human that your readers don't even question them. That means not only knowing where the story is going but also knowing where your characters came from to get there.

For example, in most of my narratives, I play with dual timelines (whether that's flashbacks or interchanging chapters with different timelines) so that I can show you exactly where the character was that led them to be the person they are today. In the Remember Me series that's Mia's traumatic family experience, in If I'm Being Honest that's Eli's relationship with Skylar, and in The Patron Saint of Holy Sinners, that's Tanner's relationship with his wife and Charlie's relationship with her fiancee and her relationship with the church.

But you can show this in different ways as well, whether that's through dialogue, inner thoughts, or leaning on your side characters who have known your character longer than the reader has. It's important to show more than you tell so readers don't feel like they're just reading the backstory but living it with the character.

Character development is always where I tell aspiring readers to start because, as I mentioned in another blog post, your characters will be the string that ties your readers to the story.

When it comes to inserting fantasy into your narratives, you need to set realistic boundaries. Ensure that the fantastical elements don't overshadow the emotional core of the story. For example, I know many readers love the billionaire trope. Why? Because we live in a world where only the wealthy get what they want, and if a reader has a billionaire love interest, then all of their material wants and basic needs suddenly become taken care of (yeah, I get it.) But you could play with a story that shows that even with all the wealth in the world, it doesn't solve the love interest's problems (because, real af, right??)

You'll have your readers squealing every time the billionaire takes the main character around the world and showers them with gifts, but they'll be even more connected when they see the internal struggle the character goes through that they can relate to, too.

I'd argue that romance actually sets the best scene to tackle universal themes like forgiveness, personal growth, and vulnerability in a fantastical context. You can put your characters through the ringer emotionally, and readers will know that there will be a happily ever after coming to save them. You can throw a lil razzle dazzle of fantasy in there, and readers will remain grounded through the emotional experience you give them. You can transport them to a world (quite like our own but somehow different) where their deepest desires are taken care of (emotionally, maybe even sexually), and they'll be begging for your character to be real when you've created a character that parallels a real human.

Make sure that you understand your audience and your readers' expectations! Different readers will prefer different balances, with some seeking high escapism and others craving more realism. Your target audience will often mirror what it is that you want to write! And if you lean more one way over the other, know the readers crossing over one category to the other will be slim, and your book won't be for everyone.

If you're aiming to write in a certain subgenre, you'll handle the balance differently. In contemporary romance (hey, hi! That's my shit!), you'll lean more toward realism. Whereas a paranormal or romantasy will skew more heavily toward escapism. And in rom-coms, you need a nice blend of both, using humor and emotion to ground your fantastical elements.

So, let's dive into the nitty-gritty of the technique of it all!

I've already touched on how you can show versus tell, but another plot device that romance readers go wild for is tension and conflict (creating that sense of yearning and passion for when things come to a head!!). With conflict, you want to use realistic obstacles that the characters have to overcome, and you could use touches of fantasy to help them reach the other side without making it feel contrived.

For example, miscommunications that feel natural rather than forced are going to leave the characters locked in a battle that seems unwinnable. Draw from real-life experience here. Most miscommunications are not big brawls and knockout fights. Instead, they're tiny moments of passive aggressiveness, or one person saying something while hiding what they mean from the other person. Sometimes, it's a subtle life of "no, everything is fine," when really, it's not. But these are things people can relate to! We act like this on a daily basis (lol). So having a character who acts that way but having a love interest who breaks down those walls with honesty and vulnerability (v hard for humans to do so kinda fantasical) will have your readers craving that happily ever after and saying your characters were meant to be together.

If I may, use one of my favorite romances to show how this was done to perfection: let's take Happy Place by Emily Henry. Henry took very real struggles and placed them in a beautiful reality. Two characters pretend to still be together while on vacation with their friends. We watch as Harriet struggles with people pleasing and Wyn struggles with thinking he's not good enough, set against the beautiful backdrop of a vacation home in Maine.

And yeah, some readers have argued that their getting back together was too fantastical. But for me, it wasn't. For me, I saw two characters work through their struggles to meet the other in the middle. And it sorta healed something in me. But if you peel back the layers of that story, it really boiled down to simple miscommunication that wasn't in your face or abrasive. It was subtle, the way it would be in real life. But then they're on vacation, having the time of their lives with their best friends. It was romantic as hell!!!!

So, as you can see, it's a fine line between reality and fantasy, and not every reader will be satisfied in the end, and that's okay!! You'll find your audience, I promise. There are over 8 billion people in the world. There are plenty of readers out there who want a story similar to you. So write what feels right to you and play around with the balance in each new narrative until you find what works for you!

The magic of a great romance lies in its ability to make us believe in love. Both as it is and as it could be.

Xoxo Kristin